TODAY, not every so often…

From now on, when you set your goals and write them down, put your title down as TO DO LIST instead of GOALS, so now they’re the things you are going to accomplish today and not the things you want to accomplish.

For example, let’s say you want to become a writer or an entrepreneur, make your lists look like this:

To do list:

  • Write a paragraph today.
  • Research publishing companies for an hour today that best fits your writing style.

or

  • Spend an hour today looking for inspirations and ideas. If you like what someone is doing on social media, connect with them right away.
  • Talk to at least one business owner today about how they got started.

Instead of:

Goals:

  • Write every day.
  • Find publishing companies that fits your writing style.

Or

  • Find inspirations and ideas and connect with those people who inspire you.
  • Talk to business owners.

See the difference?

TODAY

It helps you look at your list as “This is what I’m doing today,” and not “This is what I have to do but it doesn’t have to be today.”

It’s such a simple thing but it makes a big difference. It helps accomplish something every single day and not every so often.

So at the end of your day today, make a to do list of the things you want to do tomorrow that will help you reach your goals sooner and before you know it, you’re there.

PS. Write goals down as the overall view, having that visual of what you’re striving for helps keep you motivated but prioritize with the to do lists. What is important now? What do I have to do now, today, that will help hone my skills, network, and move closer to those goals.

 

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The Catch-22 of Depression

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how much I’ve changed and grown over the last couple of years. Curiosity struck when I was trying to remember what triggered the change. What was going on then that’s different now? Why am I getting better now?

Despite the mystery of what clicked in my brain, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m finally moving forward, finally feeling like I have a future.

What continues to keep me going is college. Going back was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. You’d think that with dealing with depression that all the work and stress from the work will be overwhelming for me, but it wasn’t. Keeping busy, I’ve learned, is one of the great remedies for depression. It keeps the mind focusing on other things, blocking out all the darkness that consumes you.

It hasn’t been always easy, though. There’s conflicting measures, a sort of catch-22 with depression. You know what you need and should do to feel better, but those same things are hard to do. You lose interest in the very things that makes you happy. Every ounce of your body and soul hurts, literally and figuratively. But you know that if you get up and get some sun or be around people you love and who love you, your mood will elevate. Still, there’s the constant struggle of those lingering thoughts, those negative exhausting thoughts, that take a toll on your mind and body. Physically and mentally you’re so worn out that the exhaustion is exhausted and it starts to become a lifestyle; it’s your new “normal.”

You start to think that there’s no hope. That this is the new me and nothing will change that.

It’s taken over. I don’t have control.

That’s not and will never be true. It’s possible to get better. Although college helped me, it’s not the path for everyone. For me, having that responsibility didn’t make things worse, it made things better—waking up early every day, being around people even though I never was sociable before the depression, being productive—those things kick-started my healing process because those were the very things I was lacking.

I’ve replaced some of my bad habits with good ones.

Everyone deals with things differently. What worked for me may not work for you but that doesn’t mean there’s no solution because there is, there’s always a solution. I didn’t have support but if you have people who love you, seek them, be around them, let them help in whatever way they can. Be appreciative that you have people with good intentions who only want to help. And if you don’t have support, there’s plenty of ways to find it, like group therapy or even doing things like taking kick boxing or yoga and meditation class. Being active is great for those serotonin levels.

(Meditation has been proven to help with depression and anxiety.)

I know you might think, “How do I get up and do these things when I’m tired and afraid all the time?”

It starts with you. You’re stronger than you think. Find that strength, it’s in there.


I’d like to leave some permanent footprints in this world. I’d like to help and support people who have felt the way I have. I want to give the support and love I didn’t receive to others. Even if it’s just a handful, knowing that I made a contribution, as small as it may be, will make all the difference in the world.

Late Bloomer

In 2007 I started college right after my graduation. At the time I thought I was ready and thought it was what I was supposed to do right after high school because “it’s what successful people do.” As years went by I started to realize that it wasn’t for me (at the time) and that I wasn’t mentally prepared for the challenge not only because I had other things going on that I thought were more important, but because I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. It all took a toll on me. I continuously dropped out and went back. I was sitting on a seesaw until life pushed me off it.

I took about a year off and finally decided that I needed to go back—I wanted to go back—so I did during Fall of 2015.

Everyone’s different when it comes to the way they become successful. You don’t have to go to college right away, some people need to find themselves first. You don’t have to go to college at all, there are people who don’t have a college degree who are highly successful because they gained the skills they needed in their own way. But it’s also never too late to go to college if you decide later in life that it’s what you need or want to do.

It’s okay to be a late bloomer.

There’s a lot you need to know about yourself before committing to something wholeheartedly. Sometimes people are blessed with the opportunities early on, sometimes it’s chance, sometimes it’s hard work but there are others like myself who has had many obstacles to overcome and must work harder.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I used to dwell a lot but I can’t blame anyone but myself. I am responsible for my own life and happiness, no one else. I took those mistakes and turned them into opportunities to grow instead of letting them just be mistakes. It’s opened my eyes and changed me for the better (I hope). I’ve learned so much, things I would’ve had not known had I not gone through those hardships.

Letting go of the past has been my greatest battle and although it’s been hard, it’s not impossible. Just keep looking forward, never backwards. Life doesn’t have to be perfect. I don’t want perfect, I want happy.

It’s never too late, guys. Never. We only get one shot at life, but we get an abundance amount of opportunities within our lives to fix things, to make things better, to change and grow and learn.

_______________________________________________________

Learn as much as you can. Read, read, read. Write down your thoughts, your goals and plans—having a visual of your ideas help create a more in-depth outlook. If you fail, plan again—reevaluate, readjust.

Try new things and be open minded. Don’t attached yourself to material things. 

Work on yourself every day. Be your best self. 

But most of all, dream big. Keep pushing. Keep moving forward. Keep striving. You’ll get there. 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful Chaos

I’ve spent a lot of time in solitude. Being alone influences the mind to be a little biased in to believing that solitude is what you want and need. But I’ve come to realize that I need a little chaos in my life, a little bit of venturing out of my comfort zone, to find the balance of both seclusion and the company of others.

I’m not a people person (being around not so decent people does that to you) but sometimes I need to get out there so I can appreciate the different perspective both worlds have to offer.

There are people who have spent their lives surrounded by craziness and adventures, who desire some quiet time, but I’m the opposite and that’s okay too, especially since I’ve been battling depression for quite some time now. Don’t get me wrong, I love tranquility—reading peacefully, playing video games or simply doing things that you only do alone, the guilty pleasures—but I’ve gotten so used to that lifestyle that it’s all I know.

Adventures are what I crave; to travel and explore; meet new and hopefully decent people; experience different things (mostly food) and cultures. I’ve had the love part (which failed, twice) and isolation has been my close friend but it’s time for a change. To live life the way I’ve dreamed of.

 

 

 

The Silver Lining of my Darkest Cloud

Coamo, Puerto Rico 2015
Coamo, Puerto Rico (2015)

There’s a nice cool breeze flowing in from my window, a rare occasion in mid July. But nonetheless, it feels peaceful. It makes me think of afternoons in Puerto Rico; sitting on my uncle’s balcony, overlooking the mountains and the beautiful sunset on the horizon; accompanied by a good book. Nothing got better than that. Those were the days when I forgot I had depression, where nothing else existed but my father and that beautiful view.

Being diagnosed with depression wasn’t new to me—I knew beforehand that something was wrong—I just didn’t want to admit it and I sure as hell didn’t want to be on antidepressants. I’m more of a “talk it up, write it down, dance it out” kind of gal. But I was on them for a little while. I hated the way it made me feel so I stopped taking them on my own. I knew the risk—the risk of it getting worse for suddenly disrupting the process—but I took the risk anyway and luckily it didn’t worsen.

Hitting rock bottom wasn’t the worse thing, though, because in a way, it’s brought me closer to who I truly am. If I hadn’t had those sleepless nights thinking about everything and everyone in my life—reevaluating everything and anything—I wouldn’t be the person I am today and I’m beginning to finally like myself (still working on the confidence thing). I wouldn’t have gone back to college and realized that writing is what I want to do; wouldn’t have made the decision to live the single life because ME time is what I needed; and I wouldn’t have been sitting here writing this. Silver Lining.

(Sharing this with the world is liberating, in a sense.)

I can’t say that I’m healed—I have a long journey ahead—but I can say that I’m getting better. There are days, still, where I want to just sleep and not face the world; days where I can’t do anything but think and not be productive; days where I still feel like a failure. But all in all, the good days overwhelm the bad.

I don’t remember who I was before—it’s all a blur—but I know I’m a little wiser, a little stronger and a hell of a lot dancier (is that even a word?!).

Soon, I’ll be back on that balcony with my father and nothing else will exist.

First Stone

Let me begin by saying that this blog is in no way shape or form going to be one of those really inspirational and heart-warming blogs. Maybe one day it will be but in the mean time, it will not come close to it. It is simply a blog about my journey, not only as a writer but as a person. It’ll be about anything, everything and nothing. I’ll post on a weekly basis or if I have something really exciting to share, or maybe even when I’m rocking the blues and need to vent (I apologize in advance). I’ll also have little snippets of whatever project I’m working on at the time, mostly fiction and poetry. All and all, this blog is the start of a new chapter for me. I hope whoever reads this blog—even if it’s just a handful of you—enjoys it as much as I’ll enjoy writing it.